A walk in the snow

Our beautiful mountain, Horn Peak, covered in snow.

The sun was out shining brightly this morning so as Abby took a nap, I went for a short walk.  It ended up shorter than I thought because the snow was falling out of the trees in mass quantities.  I was trying to protect my camera at the same time.

A good reason to keep your distance when walking next to buildings.   You don't want an icicle to fall off or when the snow melts, for it to fall off on you either.

We got probably 18 inches maybe???

A step ladder beside our house.   I thought it was kind of interesting how the snow stayed stacked on top of each rung.   

Blessings Journal

In the women's bible study that we are going through, we have been studying 1 Samuel.  It's been a treat to slow down through the book and really look at what God is doing in the lives of the Hannah, Saul, David, Samuel, etc.  One thing in 1 Samuel as well as other parts of the Old Testament is that the Israelites would tangibly build an altar or rocks to remind them of God's faithfulness to them.   We were challenged in our own families of how we could tangibly remember what God has done for and through us.   Kathy's family keeps a blessings journal.  Every Christmas, they write down the blessings of the year.  Wow!   After 32 years, what a treasure to have for your family.

Paul and I are coming up on our 3 year anniversary.  Yes, a lot has happened in just those 3 years....moving, seminary, Abby and another on the way.  Yesterday I bought a journal that will be our blessings journal.  I have a couple years to get caught up on but the treasure of having this in 20 years will be priceless.   Paul wants to do our yearly blessings at Thanksgiving - as a way to give thanks to our great God who provides so richly for us.  May we not forget what the Lord has done for us.

P.S.  It's snowing today  :)

Birth Plans

Today I meet again with my midwife (certified nurse midwife). It's time for “the talk”. You know....how Paul and I would like things to go during labor and delivery. I've been doing a lot of reading and talking with other mothers and have most of my ideas in place. I really don't want to come across as super aggressive but I also don't want to be run over. My tendency is to be run over so my prayer is that I don't become aggressive in order to compensate for that. I am also fully aware of how labor and delivery does not always go according to “plan”.


With Abby, Paul and I were so clueless and naïve. Sure, we took the birthing classes but other than that.....out in left field. We went to the hospital just to get checked when my water broke, thinking we could still go out on our date. We had nothing with us. We had never had “the talk” with our ob/gyn. In fact, we hadn't even seen our real ob in 4 months. The office rotates their patients so as to “get to know” all the obs. We were truly blessed even in our ignorance. I was allowed a hep-lock. I was given time to have her naturally (12 hours but God supplied). I was allowed to walk around. No one asked me if I needed pain medication. I had limited vaginal checks. When the ob arrived, I think she did a little bit of perineal massage, she didn't have time for much, Abby arrived in 3 sets of pushes. The nurses helped me remember what to do. They let me deliver the placenta naturally as well. The only part that wasn't what I would have preferred was that Abby was taken immediately by the NICU team to be assessed since she was early. But I am okay with that. She needed a little bit of help and her breathing was so labored. It hurt to watch her little chest heave with the effort to breathe. I'm thankful that I was in a hospital at that point.


So as I think about this labor and delivery it is with mixed feelings. I feel very strongly about the way I would “like” it to go but I am also very flexible in understanding that God may have other plans in how things progress. I guess I just want to be on the same page as my midwife in the ideal setting, trusting that she will not push for interventions unless absolutely necessary.

Fear

Yesterday was pregnancy loss and rememberance day.  I didn't even know such a day existed but as I read several bloggers, I quickly became aware of it.  Bloggers invited their readers to comment on their own experiences and how God has brought them through it.   I wept as I read these stories, recalling the pain of our miscarriage two years ago.    I probably shouldn't have read these stories though....I struggle with fear.   Fear that our baby will not make it...that something will go wrong with the delivery...that something will go terribly wrong in those first few weeks, months.  I struggle with fear that Abby will be taken from us.  I never thought I would be a mom like that.   I know that God is sovereign and His plan is completely perfect and yet, I feel like I couldn't bare to go through something like this.   I know intellectually that His grace would sustain me but honestly, don't want to know it experientally.  Recently, I have been fearful over the H1N1 illness.   As a mom, I feel so different about things than before Abby.  I was reading Psalm 4 the other day and was struck by this verse  "In peace, I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, O Lord, make me to dwell in safety  ".   Nothing can provide me the safety I desire except the Lord.   No government, no vaccine, no money, no guns, etc.

This morning, I had to remind myself of the same verse.  I was realizing what a tight hold I have on my daughter and unborn son.   I need to "let them go" before the Lord, knowing their protection is in His control.  My prayer is that God will help me let go of my own need for control and completely trust in Him;  not 80%, 90% or even 99% but 100%.

God help me!  for just when I had finished this prayer, my husband came home to tell me of a 12 year- old girl in the valley here who died this morning of H1N1.  It was super fast, without warning and will probably paralyze our small community here with fear.    I can even trace personal contact from our family via others back to this girl's family within the past week.  Oh Lord, that my trust remains in You and You alone!!

30 Weeks!!!

Disclaimer:  Paul was on the floor taking this shot and so I look like a giant.  Notice my head at the ceiling and how small the desk looks in comparison.   But vanity, vanity...I don't want to get out of my pj's yet so we'll go with these pics.

Today is 30 weeks!   Gettin' close and only God knows how close this time.  With Abby being 5 weeks early, I am a little anxious about the timing of this delivery.  My friend, Allison, just had a baby and God's timing was incredible.   I am taking comfort in that and knowing that God is sovereign over this baby... and the weather...and the drive down the mountain....someone taking care of Abby, etc.

Me and my sweet little girl.   She loves pens and is always "stealing" them off of desks much to Paul's chagrin.   It used to be me "stealing" the pens but now, there is another suspect.

My little girl is growing up

Abby will be 18 months in just a couple weeks. She's losing that "baby look" and becoming a young girl. (Especially when I put her hair in pigtails and her feet in stylin' boots). Sorry no shots of her smiling but we took what we could get with a sleepy little one. Thanks Mom for the cute outfit!

Fun Times

Abby's first fort.  I came home from bible study to find "this" in my apartment.  At first I thought Paul and Abby would be hiding from me in the fort (they were actually out for a walk).   It made me happy to think of Abby and her daddy playing in the fort.     Unfortunately, Abby hit her head on the table more than not.  :(

Some friends brought over this rocking horse for Abby to play with (thank you Wilkes!)   She's had such a ball on it already.   As she rides back and forth, she says "Whoo!   Whoo!".  Sometimes, she even throws one arm in the air.   I guess she was watching when we took her to the rodeo earlier this summer.